I have nothing to say.
And I should have everything to say.
It's like a mental, or emotional, or maybe spiritual stutter. On a good week, it manifests mosts clearly in the whole "praying out loud" thing. I hit a wall, and the harder I try to push through it, the more impossible it becomes. There must be a release valve somewhere, some way to take the pressure off and start again. But "trying really hard" is clearly not the answer. It is, in fact, radically counterproductive.
This makes it really hard for me to want to pray with other people, with Christian. And I'm sure it's not a big motivation for him to keep trying to pray with me. Why doesn't he just give up? Almost anyone else would have by now. I know his frustration seeps around the edges at times, but the miraculous thing is that it only gets away from him occasionally – I'm so frustrated with myself I can barely stand it!
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