Till We Have Faces (1956)

Not sure why this seems so relevant today, but it does. A quote from C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces: 

The complaint was the answer. To have heard myself making it was to be answered. Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, "Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words." A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words.

I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?

How the conversations inside my cat's head may correspond to the way I think about God

This isn't much...but it's something, and I need to get it out of my head. Feel free to ignore this one if you want. I just want to get back in the habit of doing this occasionally.

"How the conversations inside my cat's head may correspond to the way I think about God"

Okay, I admit it. I have a tendency to talk to my cat (yes, out loud). And I often insert her side of the conversation into my supposed 'dialogue.' Recently, I have started to listen to myself, and I've noticed some patterns. Disturbing, enlightening patterns, possibly even worth sharing. Or maybe I'm just crazy. It's entirely possible.

[A little context: she's being bullied by another cat in our new house. When he chases her, he thinks he's playing, but rather than defending herself, she chooses to hiss and run under the bed.]

You said you'd take care of me! 

I am taking care of you.

But this sucks! I'm trapped. I'm being beaten up for no reason!

You're not actually being hurt. It does suck, but in some way it's good for you. It's building character.

But everything seems totally out of control!

Events actually are in my control. I could change it if I wanted. For now, I'm intervening when you really need me, but for your good and the good of everyone involved, I'm choosing to wait, watching to see how you handle it.

Things just went to hell again. Are you even paying attention? (as she flees in the opposite direction)

Are you actually going to run from me, or are you going to let me protect you? Don't you trust me by now? (– and once again, YES, these words actually came out of my mouth –)

But I hate this! It's not fair! No, I haven't liked the way things have been... but this is certainly not a change for the better.

I could stop it if I chose. But for now, this is the way it is. Figure it out, and know that I love you.

Inner Strength

1. Where, right now, are you finding it hard to wait?


Picking up in Tripp's book right where I left off months and months ago... right now the hardest place for me to wait is with the whole house thing. Part of me wants to just get the whole thing under my control, go out there and pack everything up and make the problem go away. But not only do I know that would break me, I honestly don't think God would even let me get through it at this point. I have to wait for the assistance of friends. I am almost entirely helpless in the face of this daunting task. It is hard to wait, but God is clearly asking me to do it. I have to trust that somehow in the next two and a half weeks, God will work this out. I have to loosen my grip, ask for help, and trust that he is in control.


2. What would it look like for you to "snack throughout the day" in order for the difficulty of waiting to become an occasion of strength?


I guess this means I am supposed to continually and repeatedly, whenever I feel the stress and anxiety start to overwhelm me, go to God with my worries, repent of my lack of trust, pray for strength, read my Bible... just as the day progresses. Keep him close to me all through the day. Try to make this time of trial a chance to cement my relationship with Him. Each time it's hard to breathe, I should turn to God. Each time my eyes fill with tears, I should turn to God. I'm trying. It's an exercise; it takes practice. I lose focus so easily. But I am trying. I can't feel the strength yet, but I am trying.