Two Words You Never Want to Hear

1. Do you live with the fear that you will do or say something that would cause God to say to you, "Go away"?


Sure. The only frame of reference I have, the lens I have through which to view God, is the example of the people who have been most important in my life. And I have spent most of that life experiencing just that kind of rejection. A lifetime of disownment and disapproval doesn't magically get erased by one year of unconditional acceptance... and even that feels an awful lot like being pushed away right now. (Not saying that to be hurtful; I know you still love me.) And I often dislike myself so much (sin, I know) that I can't imagine how God would want to have me around. So, in a word, yes. I live with that fear. I shouldn't, but I do.


2. Name some ways that the fear of God's anger and rejection shapes the way that you respond to him, to others, and to circumstances.


These are the kinds of questions I suck at. Specifically?

It shapes the way I respond to God by making me want to avoid Him when I screw up. Again. Because I struggle so hard to trust that He can really forgive me as I continue to make the same mistakes and commit the same sins. Again. What the question doesn't ask is how I should respond, but I'm answering the unspoken – it should make me want to run toward him rather than away from him when I fail, because I should know that he will always take me back.

How does this fear shape how I respond to others? Well, I suppose that if I find it nearly incomprehensible that the God who loves perfectly and forgives perfectly would never reject me, that's certainly going to spill over into my relationships with fellow humans. I'm not sure how to be more specific than that.

How does it affect my response to my circumstances? If I'm not trusting rightly about this core belief, that fundamental lack of faith in God's goodness is going to throw me off course in believing that His plan is always the right one. Even when it feels so intrinsically wrong to me. It all comes back to the very same thing that it always does: Believing that (a) God is good and (b) God is in control.

Lord, I believe – that you always love me, always forgive me, will never reject me. Help my unbelief. Amen.