On Christ the Solid Rock

1. Be honest as you examine the way you live. What do you look to as your "solid rock"?

This is a difficult question from where I sit right at this moment. I want the answer to be Jesus, I am striving daily for the answer to be Jesus, but let's face it – the foundations of my life are still pretty sandy. Perspectives shift around like slippery river rocks under my feet, and I find myself falling. I look at the waves instead of at Jesus, and I start to sink. It's a regular occurrence. I don't think that makes me unique in any way – it's the common lot of fallen humanity – but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. I still look to myself for control of my circumstances... but I am trying to look to Jesus when things feel like they are falling apart. And to thank Him when things go well. And to repent for my seemingly incurable need to rescue myself from my own mistakes (and sins) and to control my life when the world seems set against me.

2. How would your living be different if Christ really were your "solid rock"?

Here are two verses I've been meditating on lately:

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." 

 ~ Psalm 19:14

"For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock." ~ Psalm 27:5

Christ beneath me. Part of St. Patrick's Breastplate. Standing on the rock. David doesn't say, "I will find the rock and climb up onto it." He clearly says, "He will lift me high upon a rock." God will raise me up to stand firmly on the promises and reality of Jesus. He's dwelling in me, He's reaching out to me, He's around me, and He's beneath me. How can I sink if I'm standing on the Rock? 

On a concrete level, how does this truth make my living different? Slowly, haltingly, stumblingly. How did I put it in the worship guide last week? I "keep calling out, persistently believing, faithfully listening, actively seeking" his presence in my life. It's a journey, with Jesus beside me, a trek through the wilderness, together. It's waiting for the Lord, listening for his voice and responding with prayer, even when I feel abandoned or cut off. It's asking the other people in my life to pray with me and for me (I'm pretty sparse on the "praying with me" part, but I want it; I just need to learn how to ask), so that we can encourage one another when the trek seems endless, when we're up to our knees in the mire of our circumstances, so we can run and not grow weary and catch each other when we start to fall. That's what I want. I'm remembering to start and end each day with prayer. That's a start. I'm intentionally examining the "words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart" and trying to keep my focus in the right direction. Because the journey is pointless if I'm just going around in circles. I have to be headed toward the destination God has designed for me.

Waiting is hard. I don't know what's supposed to come next. I don't know what I'm supposed to be when I grow up. I feel like He must have a plan – a big one, a major change, one that's going to make all this suffering and all this profound change in my life make sense. I feel like I'm in limbo, unsure whether to forge ahead, to "kick against the goads", to be proactive, or whether to wait patiently for God to open doors, to trust that He's got it all under control and will work things out in His timing. 

I'm still trying to figure out how repentance works into every corner of my life. All of you have said, at one time or another (and not far in the distant past) that you don't hear enough repentance from me. Last week Christian preached on how the "way of repentance" can make you miss God. I admit confusion on just how the whole repentance thing plays out in the real world. If the gospel is "Repent and believe," I think I'm still missing it a little. I ask for forgiveness for my sins and stupidity, but still have trouble believing that God can forgive me when I know that I'm going to fail Him again. And again. I can't live up to my own standards. Which brings me back to the Rock. I have to learn to trust that my identity is in Jesus, and that He is with me – above me, around me, beneath me, within me – and that He loves me, Jeni Adams, world without end, Amen.