Question 2. Where in your life are you doing (or not doing) something simply out of love for God? eg. not b/c you're supposed to, not b/c you have to, not b/c it's good for you, but simply out of love for God and Jesus? - list some examples, and come up with some additional ways you could do this.
I find the second question way more convoluted. We (Christian and I) talked a little about motivations, and how messy they are. We (Marilyn and I) talked a little about the line between self-focus and self-awareness...
The short answer, in all honesty, is that I don't think I can say I'm doing anything solely out of love for Jesus. That's why I asked for concrete examples, because I'm not sure anyone can ever answer with complete honesty and confidence that their motivations are entirely, one-dimensionally, vertically focused. We're broken. We're tangled. We can strive to have God be our primary motivation, but I think that's as far as (at least I) can go.
So, setting semantics and over-thinking aside, let me try to answer the best I can:
It's hard, because right now so much seems focused on survival. There's a quote from the '90s movie Sleepless in Seattle; a friend asks the guy who's just lost his wife what he's going to do:
"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... and breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while, I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out."
Perhaps a better example is from Ed Welch's depression book (p. 55):
"If you are depressed, you are going to have to learn to be a liturgical worshiper. If you wait until you feel motivated to worship, you might be waiting a long time. If you are remotely inclined to communicate with God, you might find that words fail you and you have nothing to say. When you drag yourself to worship, the service had better be mapped out ahead of time."
In this quote (as in so many things in life), worship is (or ought to be) synonymous with life. C.S. Lewis has that quote about the best way to acquire a quality in real life is to behave as if you had it already. Taking his advice, I'm doing my best humanity impression. I still have to remind myself to get out of bed. To shower. To tackle breakfast. I try to establish a routine: read my Bible, pray a Psalm, write in my journal, take a bike ride in the sunshine while listening to a Keller sermon (of which I need more suggestions, by the way...)
It still feels like it's all on the surface. A to-do list that, if carried out consistently and intentionally, could lead to real life and relationship with the real Person of Jesus. There are many things I'm doing in hopes that I will one day be able to do them out of sheer, abounding joy that God loves me and I love him. I'm reaching for that. I can't see it yet. But feelings lie, right?
You know, Jeni, one of the things that I hear from people fairly often is this idea of "how can our motives ever be pure?" And of course there is a sense in which this is true. But there's also a sense in which this isn't true.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, there are actually many times that my motives are pure (and by pure - I mean that I do things simply out of love for Christ or love for people). Now I wouldn't say it happens all the time. But I can honestly say that it does happen.
But, the bigger question is how we respond when our motives are good (do we start to get proud or do we praise God?) or when they aren't pure (do we get down on ourselves or do we repent?)?
So the bottom line is: not one of you can give me an unadulterated answer to this question? Then I'm not alone in my inability to answer Tripps's questions! I guess that's a good thing?
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ReplyDeleteI could give you lots of answers for me - but I really can't give any for you. Here's a couple of things I find myself doing simply out of love for Christ:
ReplyDelete1) carving out time in my day for personal meditation.
2) repenting to Rachel an hour ago for my angry response to something she asked me to do. Purely because I love Jesus on that one.
3) meeting with one person in particular last week who is very difficult for me personally.
Those are just a few things that I wouldn't do if left to myself.
Marilyn, I forgot to ask you about this today, because as hard as I try, I really can't come up with anything resembling a concrete answer to this one. Do you have anything resembling a concrete example, whether theoretical or in your own life, of something you're doing SOLELY out of love for Jesus? This feels so much like one of those Tripp questions that kept bringing me to my knees...
ReplyDeleteWell the short answer is; there are things that I am supposed to do for this church plant which I naturally don't want to do. Sometimes I find myself doing them without complaining or feeling like complaining and actually enjoying it. I think those are the times I am doing them our of a love for Jesus and not out of duty or "just going through the motions". I wanted to mention too that when you got up and prayed to God and "went through the motions" when you were at your blackest, he DID answer. People called and wanted to hang out with you. They were your answer to your prayers. They may not have been what you wanted or within "the box" that you wanted them to be, but they were actually God's grace to you. :-) Praise God!!
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