It's a dark, rainy afternoon.
I haven't written anything for weeks. No wonder things are starting to seep through the edges of my defenses...
What happened Sunday? (Big meltdown during "Benediction" at worship in the lobby). It was as if I had turned everything off when I started to get sick (pneumonia, etc.), shut down, but the crap didn't go away – it just got backlogged and then when the barrier broke I got the dubious privilege of feeling everything (or at least all the bad stuff) all at the very same time.
I'm running spot for the run of "South Pacific" at MCT, because Christian thinks it will be good for me to follow through on something. Who knows – he may even prove to be right, although thus far I'm not having any fun at all. It's intensely frustrating... and I'm failing to sleep again... and my hard-won skills of praying out loud seem to have degraded back in the direction whence they came... and now that so many of my defenses are down I'm scared and shaky all the time... and I can't seem to get what I believe to travel from (or with) my head down into my heart... and I'm frustrated with God, and all this bloody talk of freedom...
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